Like the wrong way on velvet

...when you rub it, it's dull and prickly and gets under your nails. That's how, in this US attorney mess, I feel about this woman. For some reason, of all the people who probably purposefully politicized the DOJ, fired talented and dedicated US attorneys, and then equivocated before Congress, Monica Goodling is the one who's ticking me off the most. There are probably several reasons for which, and I know some have to do with my prejudices as a working female:

1. Answer the damn questions you are being asked by Congress. You were never in any way qualified to hold your position and you should be well aware that a) the gravy train has left the station and b) instead of riding it into the sunset, you will probably be hearing that whistle blowing, hanging your head and crying (thank you, Mr. Cash) I am in no way excusing Gonzalez, who, if he's not lying (stop chuckling) should be mortified that he is leading anything more than a Little League team with his faulty "memory" and should be home mainlining ginko biloba. If Gonzalez cracks, the whole house of cards comes down on wiretapping, the politicization process, and the sausage-making (with rotten innards out of a scene from The Jungle), so we know he's going to stay on message. You have some immunity. However, you do not have any shame.

2. What makes your crimes that much more egregious is that you attended Regent University - aside from the many stories documenting the sub-par legal education you must have received -but presumably you had some level of religious inclination or fervor, or at least believed that a guy got nailed to a tree for saying we should all try to get along (respect to Douglas Adams). Maybe I read a different Bible, but what happened to not lying, cheating, stealing, pride, excess, or wearing marroon lipstick when you are clearly a Summer? (okay, catty. I'm trying to refrain).

3. Even with your meager education and your no doubt creeping sensation that you were not fit to dog-sit the chihuahuas of the men and women who came before you at DOJ, you are not dumb. I don't care how cute your butt looks in jeans, no one hits the stratosphere of the legal world at the speed which you did by being a numbskull. Yet now, when the party is over and the streamers are hanging and the cake frosting is a little hard, gee, you can't remember or can't say if and how you asked anyone who they voted for when you were hiring them - "I may have gone too far in asking political questions of applicants for career positions". Guess what, sweetheart - there's no far here, it's like being a little pregnant. If politics, voting records, and W donations came up, you went too far. What's more, you don't even touch on why you did it, even saying you "didn't mean to". I didn't mean to rob that bank, the gun and the mask just fell in my hands. I know you are trying to avoid more trouble, but just own up aleady.

4. Who are you still protecting? From your testimony, not the Deputy AG. But are you protecting Gonzalez? Guess what - if he's innocent, he probably doesn't even remember your name. Are you protecting the White House? You engaged in illegal behavior on their behalf. And then they hung you out to dry because you were always expendable. Despite the fun you may have had playing god (no pun intended), it should've been obvious that you are not part of the omerta circle, and when the music stopped you wouldn't have a chair.

5. Here's where it gets personal - you are a young, attractive woman trying to make her way in the Washington establishment. There are many of us like you and we've all been in the meeting where the old white men think we're supposed to get coffee instead of brief them on the security situation in Ramallah. You played right into their hands, doing their dirty work, probably with a cute little smile on your face. And now your face is in the papers and you are just another pretty, young ditzy lapdog who didn't have the brains to get out while the getting was good. I know some will say this is a stretch, and we all rise and fall on our own - I'm sorry, but I don't agree. There is still prejudice and sexism; we are all judged by the least among us.

Follow the path of that guy you claim to believe in. You'll have a shred of integrity and you'll probably bring a real flair to that orange jumpsuit.