The girls of summer...

...I know you've all gotten that email, ladies, about bringing your hammertoes out in public now that the weather is (blisteringly) hot. But there's more to it, and after a day in Dupont and Georgetown (yes, I'm the only idiot who spends Saturday in these two deserted, quiet parts of our city - expect for my friends M & M), I feel the need to address:

1. You are wearing the cutest little sundress. Totally trendy big white sunglasses on top of your head. Your hair is in the perkiest ponytail. You are carrying an adorable red straw handbag. I can hear strains of "Hot Child in the City" as you trot across Dupont Circle. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING BLACK FLIP-FLOPS?? Black flip flops - even if they're Puma and cost a thousand bucks - are for the gym and your apartment when no one else is around. This is how you differentiate between someone who has true style and someone who bought all of the above from the same page in Cosmo - you don't know how to finish the look. Uncomfortable wearing heels? Buy some cute flats or suck it up.

2. Speaking of trendy, summer trends - and all trends for that matter - come and go and boy, it's fun to shake up the ol' wardrobe with the latest hot item? WRONG. You have a body that you live in every day - in fact, I'd wager a guess you're inseparable. Why, then, do you think it's okay to cram yourself into a pair of knee-length capri pants, given your shape? I don't consider myself heavy, although I am curvy, and I don't wear these things, because I know I can't pull 'em off. Know thyself. First of all, if you want to emulate one of the Founding Fathers, try their signatures, not their pants. Ankle length? Perfect. Long shorts? Very Martha's Vineyard. I even see them creeping into office wear - in plaid, no less - and I want to break into songs from Newsies. Some women can pull them off. I see none of these women in 99% of my travels.

3. Same goes for a miniskirt - I don't need to know whether or not you wax. Why is this considered okay, to go out dressed in a headband? Especially because, again, chances are you did not just walk for Chanel and you have some fat on your thighs. Ooh, and maybe some cellulite, at which we have all now gotten a nice close look. What is wrong with an even slightly longer skirt - you won't have to worry about the wind blowing!

Everyone has flaws, and there are so many ways to minimize them - and unfortunately, even more ways to expose them. I'm always surprised in summer at the overexposure of flesh and the disappearance of any kind of restraint.

I scored like a kid on prom night

So every morning I get to work, go get a tremendous breakfast (it's actually embarrassing, I need to use a tray to carry everything and now I have a stack of trays under my desk), and then read the online newspapers - hey, I'm an analyst, I'm paid to know the happenins in the world. And what do I read in my dear WaPo today? Strangely enough, Gap clothes are going to be on the cover of Vogue! Intrigued, I read on...Thakoon, Do0.Ri, and Rodarte, all winners of the 2006 CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund awards, have designed lines for the Gap as part of Gap's desperate attempt not to go under. As a Constant Shopper, I can safely say it's been years since I bought anything at the Gap and barely go in there - it's so drab and safe-sporty and...(shudder) khaki.

Now, this trend of high end designers making clothes for low-end lines (H&M, etc) is nothing new and frankly, I've found it a tad annoying. When I went in to see Karl Lagerfeld's designs for H&M, I didn't think they stood out, design- or construction-wise, from anything else H&M was selling (and let's be honest, I love me some H&M but I also throw the stuff away after wearing it twice) - did I expect Chanel? Of course not. But I didn't find it noteworthy.

HOWEVER, back to the Gap - one of my (many) sartorial weaknesses is a white button-down shirt. I must own 15 of them at least and always find excuses to buy new ones. Brooks Brothers, Naracamicie (four of which I bought in Martinique, all white, cost me three days per diem - the saleslady looked at me like I was nuts) long sleeve, cuffed, puffy sleeves (like my super-puffy-sleeved blouse with a necktie that makes me want to find a copy of the Declaration of Independence to sign), tunic-length, wrap style, I could go on. So what were these designers asked to do? Riff on the white shirt, that's what. And the only thing I love more than a white shirt is a dress, as anyone who has spent a minute on this blog can tell. I am in Central's-mashed-potatoes-heaven.

And, I'm off! Gap website? Not happening, just photos I can't click on. Get on the horn with the Gap and they say everything is sold out online, not a chance. However, the very kind lady says she can see what stores carry them - and locates the two white dresses in San Diego in my size. 15 minutes later and they are en route (or at least, I've been charged for them). This absolutely makes my day and when my boss asks me what's up, I tell him (he's quite an understanding guy) that I've just scored a major coup like the bloodless one in Thailand that my friend Marian had to sit through.

So I can't clip the doo.ri white belted shirtdress that I bought but here's the Thakoon puff dress. Granted, I have hips so this may not work, but hell, I'll sell it on ebay. Now, I am buying shoes to match...